Kym
My daughter is 4 years old and refuse to listen to anything I have to say her behaviour is uncontrollable and is leaving me in tears I'm at my wits end and have tried everything possible If I ask her to eat she'll eat but then will demand treats if she doesn't get a treat she throws a tantrum her toys get launched around the house clothes are dragged out of there wardrobes if our dog is in her way she will kick him she will punch pinch slap bite and kick me. If where out in a shop she will run stright to the sweet section and demand every item of chocolate and sweet treat she can hold if I say no or put a couple things back she will throw herself down on the floor throw things all over the shop floor and scream as loud as possible Basically her mind is constantly revolving around sweet treats and is sugar mad she's very demanding and likes to get her own way its getting to the point where I dernt say no to her for fear she will have a tantrum and have a lack of disrespect for not only our home but her toys clothes pet and anything around her in her waysI have tried giving her time out on the step explaining to her why she is there and returning her until she has completed her 4 minutes I have tried putting her in her own room I have tried removing her toys I have tried shouting and i have even tired throwing myself down on the floor screaming I just don't know what to do next I have taken her to the doctors because I thought she might have ADHD like her bio father or autism and I stressed to the doctor the seriousness of the matter and how she is hurting herself by throwing theses tantrums and they just said they can't test her until she's 5 and referred me to our health visitor who then referred me to someone else to help me manage her behaviour they gave me a few tips to set a routine and managing her behaviour and I did and things worked fine for a month or so and she just slowly slipped back to her old ways She's still in a routine and sometimes has good days...
Answer
I have four year old twin girls. I feel your pain. Be firm. You are the mom. You make the rules. If she wants to throw a fit and start acting up. That's fine. I know it sounds silly but just ignore her. Make sure there is nothing in the area that can seriously hurt her and then leave her to it. She will run out of steam. She will not seriously hurt herself and she will eventually realize that this behaviour no longer works. As for her hurting the dog. That needs to be stopped before the dog fears her. Sit her down and explain that when she hurts the dog she is making the dog lose his trust in her and if he doesn't trust her he may bite her, and if he starts biting her then he can no longer live at your house. The most important thing to remember is that its ok to let her cry. If she is going to act like that you should not be rewarding her. Next time you take her shopping explain to her in the car before you get there that if she is good and behaves the way you would like her to then she can pick one treat. If at any point she is bad or misbehaves then no treat, spend the car ride home explaining to her what she did right and what she did wrong. If she didn't get a treat tell her next time she can try again to be a good girl. Again be firm. If you start down this path there will be hard days but it is beyond worth it.
My girls realized early on that mommy doesn't like bad girls. Mommy cant see girls that are being bad. It is easier with two kids but it also works if you have a dog. If she is throwing a fit turn your back on her and play with the dog,(be really animated) tell the dog what a good dog it is, and tell it as a reward for being such a good dog he can have a treat. Let your daughters tantrum run its course and let her catch her breath and then she has to come to you. She will. My girls in total threw half a dozen tantrums and now they are angels. they clean their room, set the table and use manners (please, thank you, may I be excused from the table?) How many four year old kids do you know ask to be excused from the table?
Another thing. Don't be embarrassed by her having a fit in a store. Most people that are out shopping either don't care whats going on or are parents and can sympathize. I took my girls to wal-mart with a friend of mine so I had one and she had one. figures the one my friend had decided that since she couldn't see me it would be a good time to test her boundary's. In the middle of the store she starts thrashing about in the cart screaming at the top of her lungs "help I don't know this lady, she took me from my mommy, why did you steal me?" that got everyone's attention. I was livid. I walked up behind her and asked very calmly who she was speaking to like that. I guess she was expecting someone else. I asked my friend if she would mind taking my other daughter for a bit while i took the other one out to the car to calm down. we had a serious chat in the car about what the consequences could have been from her actions. I asked her is she wanted mommys friend to go to jail. and how she would feel if someone said mean things about her that got her in trouble like that. we also discussed what she needed to do to make things right inside the store. when she finally calmed down i took her back inside and made her apologize for her behaviour to EVERYONE in the store staff and customer. she had to sit down with my friend and talk about her actions and she had to decide her own punishment. If it wasn't severe enough we told her to keep thinking. she finally decided on helping me bake an "im sorry" cake for my friend and losing the right to play with toys for the rest for the weekend. It may seem harsh but kidnapping charges are also pretty harsh. Thank god I walked up behind her before anyone called the police.
Hope this helps.
My almost 5 year old drives me crazy?
Supermommy
We can't get thru a meal or a store trip without him driving me up the wall. At the table he can't just eat his food. He will fidget all over the place run his silverware all over the table, make noises and since he moves all over he spills all over and makes a huge mess and it takes him forever. You have to continue to tell him over and over eat eat eat. It drives me crazy and everyone else crazy. He is like this most of the time. Doesn't focus you have to tell him the same things over and over. I realize he is only 5 but he should be able to follow some directions. For instance in the morning I get him up and get his clothes out and tell him to get dressed he will take all his clothes off and then be running around or it will take him 10 mins to get 1 sock on. His doctor said he thinks he has ADHD but that he is too young for meds. I'm afraid when he starts kindergarten he will be behind his class because everyone will be listening to the teacher and he will be running around or fidgeting at his desk coloring on it or something! What can I do to get him to focus and listen!?!?! HELP
I have a 3.5 yr old and she does not fidget like he does. She is not good ALL the time but she is not such a handful and listens better than he does.
Answer
Discipline and patience.
Kids don't remember what you tell them. Some might. But for the most part, they need more incentive. Send him to timeout when he doesn't obey.
Some things that are just annoying, or if he takes a little longer to do something but is working on it, you need patience.
With my 3 and 4 year olds, I often do, "I want you at the top of the stairs by the count of 8 or you can't play with your favorite toy today" etc when they get really distracted and aren't listening. For bad table manners, they have to leave the table or lose their flatware (after a warning of what is coming of course).
The discipline with consequences might seem mean. But what would be even meaner would be not disciplining him and having him have a harder time his entire life. Listening is hard and it is a habit children need to learn. Some are better at it than others. Yes, if he is AHDH, there are meds. But if it is behavioral, it would be better to fix it instead of meds.
Also, I've found that being very clear about what I want helps immensely when the kids start doing stuff on their own at 2 or 3. At almost 5 they don't seem to need it as much but if your kid has difficulties or needs more practice following directions it might.
Not "Go to the bathroom". But, "open the door, go into the bathroom, pee in the toilet, pull up your pants, wash your hands." Or not, "get dressed", but "Take off your shirt and pants, now put on your new shirt and your new pants and your socks".
Another thing I do with my impulsive 4.5 year old. I catch him before he does something bad when he is just about to do it. I remind him not to and remind him why he shouldn't do it. Then when he refrains from doing it, I praise him. He was really impulsive when he came to us a year and a half ago and drove everyone else up the wall but when I spent enough time with him and could catch him to prevent him from doing the impulsive behaviors, he would be so proud and try really really hard to pay attention to what he was doing and think before he acted.
My kids I think the issue was just a lack of discipline coupled with other emotional stuff. However they were concerned about AHDH for the oldest boy and even after your son is medicated so it is easier for him to pay attention, he will still have to learn how to do it and make it a habit.
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