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cajuncooki
I have a son who is 3 years old, and was diagnosed with Autism (PDD) on March 18, 2011. When my son was about 16-18 months I began to notice a drastic amount of regression. Once a happy-go-lucky kid, he quickly began to take on the personality of an adult who was suffering from an extreme amount of depression, or someone who was mourning death. When we'd go to family picnics he would kick and scream to leave. It was almost as if large crowds would completely overwhelmed and frightened him all at once. He became a complete introvert. Prior to the regression, although he wasn't quite formulating sentences, he expressed himself quite well verbally. He knew all of our close relatives by name, he could recite numbers (with assistance) to 10, he could recite his alphabets to the letter E, and he even recognized quite a few colors on sight! He loved any outdoors activities. He'd play basketball for hours on end, if it was possible. Since the regression, although he's been receiving both speech and special instruction therapy since July 2010, his vocabulary is still less than 5 words. His attention span is better, but not where it should be for a kid his age. In my opinion, his receptive skills are two times better than his verbal, although he require quite a bit of redirecting. I do feel as though he has the necessary skills it takes to be properly potty trained, but he doesn't seem to completely grasp the concept. When we take him to the potty, we see some results (he uses the potty), and we praise him immensely! It seems, because of the autism (only assuming), he doesn't quite understand what's going on. If we do it several times a day, it's always the same reaction from him. How can I begin to make him aware of what's going on? I'd like to help him be more aware of what's happening during potty time. I'd also like to know, how can I begin to help make progress on making me or his dad aware of him having to potty? He does make hand gestures, and he will sometimes pull and point you into the direction of things he desires. PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Answer
I work with children with autism and have been a part of toileting programs for many children. The first step is exactly what your doing, just more of it! This may mean a trip to the bathroom every half hour, or hour depending on whats feasible for you (it may seem like you are living in the bathroom but the consistency is key) .Since you say his receptive listening skills are high I would also suggest a social story about using the toilet (if you have yet to use social stories, ask his SLP to help in creating it). This story can become an activity you do with him while he is using the toilet. Next you would want to immediately reinforce his behavior of urinating or having a BM on the toilet, maybe a piece of candy, or a special toy that he really enjoys (try to save this special treat for only bathroom time). Once you feel he is ready to progress from there, turn your focus to the "staying dry" part of toileting. For some children this is very difficult, I find with a lot of my students they have trouble fully emptying their bladders, which will lead to more accidents because even though they urinated on the toilet they did not fully empty their bladder and may still need to go. If you notice he goes more then once while sitting on toilet, or just little spurts of urine, this may be the case and it may take longer for him to become completely potty trained. But if this is not the case then you want to start to praise and reinforce him for "staying dry". Again an immediate reinforcer and tons of verbal praise. There are a lot of components to using the toilet and you want to break them down and tackle each component individually so he does not become overwhelmed and is successful. I would say for the expressive piece of him expressing to you that he needs to go to the bathroom, maybe try the sign language sign for bathroom, or a picture or PEC? When going in the bathroom reinforce this sign or PEC to him... ie "its time to go to the....wait for his attention.... then sign and say bathroom" you may ask him to also try signing it with your model. If your using a picture do the same but ask him to touch the picture, and when he does you receptively ID it and say "bathroom". If you do use the picture make sure to make A LOT of them! Put them in every room your son goes in, and make sure they are accessible to him, the goal is when he has to go he will bring you that picture. I hope this helps a bit! I would also suggest trying to get him some occupational therapy to help address some of the sensory issues he may be having. Sensory integration and strategies can help people with autism with some of the anxiety or over stimulation they may feel in large crowds, or noisy situations. This may help him to be able to enjoy those outdoor activities as much as he used to.
**oops forgot to mention the modeling of using the toilet, try (although maybe a bit awkward) to have him come along as you, your husband or siblings as you use the toilet. It really helps to hit the concept of using the toilet home, and that everyone does it.
I work with children with autism and have been a part of toileting programs for many children. The first step is exactly what your doing, just more of it! This may mean a trip to the bathroom every half hour, or hour depending on whats feasible for you (it may seem like you are living in the bathroom but the consistency is key) .Since you say his receptive listening skills are high I would also suggest a social story about using the toilet (if you have yet to use social stories, ask his SLP to help in creating it). This story can become an activity you do with him while he is using the toilet. Next you would want to immediately reinforce his behavior of urinating or having a BM on the toilet, maybe a piece of candy, or a special toy that he really enjoys (try to save this special treat for only bathroom time). Once you feel he is ready to progress from there, turn your focus to the "staying dry" part of toileting. For some children this is very difficult, I find with a lot of my students they have trouble fully emptying their bladders, which will lead to more accidents because even though they urinated on the toilet they did not fully empty their bladder and may still need to go. If you notice he goes more then once while sitting on toilet, or just little spurts of urine, this may be the case and it may take longer for him to become completely potty trained. But if this is not the case then you want to start to praise and reinforce him for "staying dry". Again an immediate reinforcer and tons of verbal praise. There are a lot of components to using the toilet and you want to break them down and tackle each component individually so he does not become overwhelmed and is successful. I would say for the expressive piece of him expressing to you that he needs to go to the bathroom, maybe try the sign language sign for bathroom, or a picture or PEC? When going in the bathroom reinforce this sign or PEC to him... ie "its time to go to the....wait for his attention.... then sign and say bathroom" you may ask him to also try signing it with your model. If your using a picture do the same but ask him to touch the picture, and when he does you receptively ID it and say "bathroom". If you do use the picture make sure to make A LOT of them! Put them in every room your son goes in, and make sure they are accessible to him, the goal is when he has to go he will bring you that picture. I hope this helps a bit! I would also suggest trying to get him some occupational therapy to help address some of the sensory issues he may be having. Sensory integration and strategies can help people with autism with some of the anxiety or over stimulation they may feel in large crowds, or noisy situations. This may help him to be able to enjoy those outdoor activities as much as he used to.
**oops forgot to mention the modeling of using the toilet, try (although maybe a bit awkward) to have him come along as you, your husband or siblings as you use the toilet. It really helps to hit the concept of using the toilet home, and that everyone does it.
Step dad too strict? Or just what daughter needs?
Kirsten
Alright, I’m going to try to make this as short as I possibly can but it’s going to be hard! Back in December of 2011 I began dating my boyfriend who is in the Army. I have a 3 year old daughter and I didn’t bring him around her until about April (about 5 months) and even then, the time they spent together was limited and very gradual. He really became a big part of her life in July when I had invited him on our vacation to Florida which is when things got more serious. Since then things have been AMAZING but a bit on the rocky side, which is normal when you have a kid and have decided to start a life with a man that is not the bio father. J (the bf) came from a pretty strict military family and has been in the Army since 2006 so he is just strict by nature where as I was an only child (biologically), to a single mother (who married when I was 8) and I pretty much got whatever I wanted; I had rules of course but for the most part I had a pretty relaxed childhood. Clearly because of our different backgrounds we both parent differently. My daughter has definitely been the ruler of the house since birth. She had rules but for the most part, she got her way on most things and didn’t want for anything. Well now that we have moved in with J things have definitely changed and I just need some advice and also, is he too strict with her? He demanded her get on a stricter bed time routine, which was needed and I agreed with, but other things I feel are just too much. I feel like the only thing he does with her is get on her constantly. He doesn’t want her to bring a lot of toys out in the living room and would prefer her play in her room; he puts her in time out for biting her nails when he has told her not to even though nail biting is a habit that can be something that isn’t done intentionally; and of course those are the only 2 examples I can think of but there is much more because I feel like it’s a constant argument. I have tried my hardest to never correct him in front of her because I know that could make her lose respect and what not but sometimes it’s hard because I don’t like my baby girl getting yelled at constantly. J also has never really been around kids so he doesn’t get that she is only 3, sometimes I feel like he acts as though she’s 10 or something. He also believes she needs to be more independent even though she’s 3. He makes her do pretty much everything herself that he feels she can do. Maybe I’m just being silly and over reacting. I just don’t want my daughter to become emotionally damaged especially since her bio dad doesn’t even seem to want to see her and hasn’t for a couple months now. There are times though where she seems to really like J. She has actually slipped a couple times and called him dad by accident (this turns all 3 of us red faced) and she loves her new home, we used to live with my parents and when we go visit them, she actually tells me she wants to go back home, so she’s been adjusting well but I still feel like J could be causing her a little emotional pain.
Thanks for your answers so far! I do want to add that we have not at all gotten upset at her calling him dad. When I say red faced I just meant taken by surprise and a little embarrassed. We have determined that there is nothing wrong with her calling him dad, it's whatever she's comfortable with. We both agree that we're not going to force her to call him dad but if she wants to we would never tell her not to because that could make her feel like he doesn't love her like a daughter. As fas as her own father, he goes back and forth with her. Sometimes he sees her on a regular basis and then other times he'll just fall off the face of the Earth for a while.
Answer
I know as a mother it is hard to let others discipline our little ones. Since it sounds like you have been on your own with her most of the time, sharing the discipline with someone else that is not her father can be challenging. He is trying to help her become a better young lady and one day a grown up. If you teach them when they are young it is very easy. My children were cleaning their room and leaning that toys get played with in the bedroom at that age, it saved my marriage and my feet lol (ever stepped on a toy in the middle of the night). I would say you should have a conversation with him to let him know how you are feeling. Make sure you are both showing her love and she will be great.
I know as a mother it is hard to let others discipline our little ones. Since it sounds like you have been on your own with her most of the time, sharing the discipline with someone else that is not her father can be challenging. He is trying to help her become a better young lady and one day a grown up. If you teach them when they are young it is very easy. My children were cleaning their room and leaning that toys get played with in the bedroom at that age, it saved my marriage and my feet lol (ever stepped on a toy in the middle of the night). I would say you should have a conversation with him to let him know how you are feeling. Make sure you are both showing her love and she will be great.
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