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Q. I take care of an almost 6 year old boy & almost 4 year old girl. The girl is a delight- she is very smart and generally gives me almost no trouble. Her brother on the other hand...is a whole different story. I've been working fulltime with them since August of 2011 (so about 10 months now) & he seems to really be rebelling against me more and more. I feel awful but I'm switching to part time in 7 weeks and he is making me really REALLY anxious to do so. I don't know if he has ADD or is just acting like a normal almost 6 year old but I am at the end of my rope.
He is in half day kindergarten & really does not enjoy actively learning - unlike his sister. Doing basic homework is very difficult to focus on and he seems to struggle to remember basic things. He tells me the only thing he likes about school is gym. He often gets in trouble in class for not paying attention and talking to his friends. The same thing happens at his karate class which only meets 2 days a week- he only wants to go to go play with his friend & is often scolded for not paying attention. Conversely, he is the only white belt left in the class & is embarrassed about so but does not focus on his moves enough to test well.
Building on the last thing, he often has a surplus of energy that seems totally random at times. I try to limit the sugar consumption but he is also an extraordinarily picky eater so mealtimes are difficult. Sometimes he is just running back and forth inside yelling and I have no idea how to calm him down.
When we play a game, he always has to win and always has to dominate the game or it's not worth playing apparently. When things don't go his way- he does a complete 180. He can be totally happy one minute, the next he is furiously angry & he gets both rude & difficult to deal with. When he gets this angry he often doles out the threats ("When I get bigger I'm gonna beat you up" or "If you send me to my room I'm just going to wreck stuff") which I said is totally unacceptable. I've seen him go and tear up plants in the yard, throw rocks, throw trash into the woods, cut up pillows with scissors, etc. One thing that makes me extremely mad is when he gets mad sometimes he says, "Well my dad is your boss & we're not going to pay you." How rude and brazen can you get??
When I am being immensely disrespected by a child half my size it is hard to stay calm- although I very rarely raise my voice and never put my hands on him.
Lastly lending to my question- he is OBSESSED with superheros. Even toys that are not superheroes are somehow transformed into superheroes in some way or another. We can ONLY watch, read, and play things about superheroes or he is not interested. The fixation is sometimes too much to deal with- especially since the hyperactive, violent imagery doesn't help his hyperactivity and him being obsessed with shooting guns and fighting- which is disconcerting.
Now I should probably add that I am there 45-50 hours a week as both parents work a lot. When they are home I feel like their dad [possibly subconsciously] reinforces the macho man tendencies by letting him sit with him while he watches sports and wrestling. Also, the parents have admitted they accidentally spoiled him- so he has no sense of value for things & all day long he constantly tells me he wants something.
Does any of that behavior sound like it could be symptoms of ADD or is it just normal little boy behavior? I do really love these kids & I want to see them be successful kids--> adults but I am finding it harder and harder to go in to work (did I mention they live next door?!) everyday with the dread of a child disrespecting me.
He is in half day kindergarten & really does not enjoy actively learning - unlike his sister. Doing basic homework is very difficult to focus on and he seems to struggle to remember basic things. He tells me the only thing he likes about school is gym. He often gets in trouble in class for not paying attention and talking to his friends. The same thing happens at his karate class which only meets 2 days a week- he only wants to go to go play with his friend & is often scolded for not paying attention. Conversely, he is the only white belt left in the class & is embarrassed about so but does not focus on his moves enough to test well.
Building on the last thing, he often has a surplus of energy that seems totally random at times. I try to limit the sugar consumption but he is also an extraordinarily picky eater so mealtimes are difficult. Sometimes he is just running back and forth inside yelling and I have no idea how to calm him down.
When we play a game, he always has to win and always has to dominate the game or it's not worth playing apparently. When things don't go his way- he does a complete 180. He can be totally happy one minute, the next he is furiously angry & he gets both rude & difficult to deal with. When he gets this angry he often doles out the threats ("When I get bigger I'm gonna beat you up" or "If you send me to my room I'm just going to wreck stuff") which I said is totally unacceptable. I've seen him go and tear up plants in the yard, throw rocks, throw trash into the woods, cut up pillows with scissors, etc. One thing that makes me extremely mad is when he gets mad sometimes he says, "Well my dad is your boss & we're not going to pay you." How rude and brazen can you get??
When I am being immensely disrespected by a child half my size it is hard to stay calm- although I very rarely raise my voice and never put my hands on him.
Lastly lending to my question- he is OBSESSED with superheros. Even toys that are not superheroes are somehow transformed into superheroes in some way or another. We can ONLY watch, read, and play things about superheroes or he is not interested. The fixation is sometimes too much to deal with- especially since the hyperactive, violent imagery doesn't help his hyperactivity and him being obsessed with shooting guns and fighting- which is disconcerting.
Now I should probably add that I am there 45-50 hours a week as both parents work a lot. When they are home I feel like their dad [possibly subconsciously] reinforces the macho man tendencies by letting him sit with him while he watches sports and wrestling. Also, the parents have admitted they accidentally spoiled him- so he has no sense of value for things & all day long he constantly tells me he wants something.
Does any of that behavior sound like it could be symptoms of ADD or is it just normal little boy behavior? I do really love these kids & I want to see them be successful kids--> adults but I am finding it harder and harder to go in to work (did I mention they live next door?!) everyday with the dread of a child disrespecting me.
Answer
It very well could be ADD or atleast a mild case. Talk to his parents about it. Tell them what goes on when they aren't around, and how he acts and reacts when you punish him or ask him to do something. It sounds to me like he does some of the things just to get under your skin. Running around screaming, cutting up pillows, doing things he knows are bad. In the meantime, be stern with him. If he is disrespectful, punish him. If he acts disresepctful when you punish him, tell him he's only making his punishment worse by being disrepsectful. You don't necessarily even have to raise your voice, but just a stern voice to let him know 'I'm serious.'
@Faith- Maybe if you read you'd see that she said he has trouble remembering basic things and difficulty learning, he OFTEN gets in trouble in class for not paying attention, he often gets in trouble at karate for not paying attention and also is way behind the other students, etc. Maybe your not in the situation so you don't know how bad or severe it is, or maybe you've never delt with a kid that has ADD or another disability. But this sure does sound like a mild case. Look it up dear.
It very well could be ADD or atleast a mild case. Talk to his parents about it. Tell them what goes on when they aren't around, and how he acts and reacts when you punish him or ask him to do something. It sounds to me like he does some of the things just to get under your skin. Running around screaming, cutting up pillows, doing things he knows are bad. In the meantime, be stern with him. If he is disrespectful, punish him. If he acts disresepctful when you punish him, tell him he's only making his punishment worse by being disrepsectful. You don't necessarily even have to raise your voice, but just a stern voice to let him know 'I'm serious.'
@Faith- Maybe if you read you'd see that she said he has trouble remembering basic things and difficulty learning, he OFTEN gets in trouble in class for not paying attention, he often gets in trouble at karate for not paying attention and also is way behind the other students, etc. Maybe your not in the situation so you don't know how bad or severe it is, or maybe you've never delt with a kid that has ADD or another disability. But this sure does sound like a mild case. Look it up dear.
Is there something wrong with me and do I need to grow up?
Q. hello, I have just been realizing how much of a child I am lately. I am currently 14 and will be turning 15 in this upcoming February 2011.
My story: Ever since I was younger, I would always have this fascination with Fighting games, weapons, and things like that. (NO. I was not a violent child and I didnt go around hitting people or stuff like that.) But, I always loved learning about fighting, and martial arts, and the different types of weapons there were. Much of my interests came from playing these types of games and watching classic kung-fu movies (hahaha...) but eventually I started collecting various toy weapons like swords, daggers, and stuff like that. (I hated guns and pistols though...) as I collected them, I would also play around with them and pretend as if I really was a fighter/warrior. Sadly, I still do it today from time to time but whenever I do it, I would secretly do it in my room or a room in my house that was away from others "privately". I still have an interest in these things and when I get older, I wish to maybe attend a historical reenactment of ancient battles and stuff like that.
I would like to know, if this is normal or just something different? I have always told myself that it is time to stop because I shouldnt be playing with toys... and that I should be acting more my age. Please tell me what you think, and also, please be nice and reasonable. I do not want any negative comments or insults. I have always thought about this and felt guilty or just really insecure about the whole fact of me being such a child. I know that this is somewhat embarrassing to mention but I would like to learn from this and possibly change.
Thanks so much for anyone's help! (I also apologize if this is the wrong category)
My story: Ever since I was younger, I would always have this fascination with Fighting games, weapons, and things like that. (NO. I was not a violent child and I didnt go around hitting people or stuff like that.) But, I always loved learning about fighting, and martial arts, and the different types of weapons there were. Much of my interests came from playing these types of games and watching classic kung-fu movies (hahaha...) but eventually I started collecting various toy weapons like swords, daggers, and stuff like that. (I hated guns and pistols though...) as I collected them, I would also play around with them and pretend as if I really was a fighter/warrior. Sadly, I still do it today from time to time but whenever I do it, I would secretly do it in my room or a room in my house that was away from others "privately". I still have an interest in these things and when I get older, I wish to maybe attend a historical reenactment of ancient battles and stuff like that.
I would like to know, if this is normal or just something different? I have always told myself that it is time to stop because I shouldnt be playing with toys... and that I should be acting more my age. Please tell me what you think, and also, please be nice and reasonable. I do not want any negative comments or insults. I have always thought about this and felt guilty or just really insecure about the whole fact of me being such a child. I know that this is somewhat embarrassing to mention but I would like to learn from this and possibly change.
Thanks so much for anyone's help! (I also apologize if this is the wrong category)
Answer
I don't believe that this is a as you call it "child like" behavior. You have and interest in things and it is a damn good one to be honest. If you want to put these things into real life I would look at going into martial arts classes or reading up on what kinds of swords there are and other things that you like. Don't let others bash on you for things that you enjoy. Playing and believing are parts of growing up but never let that go. Im 23 and I still act like a kid don't ever let anyone tell you that you cant be a kid and pretend every once in awhile. Hope this helps and best of luck.
I don't believe that this is a as you call it "child like" behavior. You have and interest in things and it is a damn good one to be honest. If you want to put these things into real life I would look at going into martial arts classes or reading up on what kinds of swords there are and other things that you like. Don't let others bash on you for things that you enjoy. Playing and believing are parts of growing up but never let that go. Im 23 and I still act like a kid don't ever let anyone tell you that you cant be a kid and pretend every once in awhile. Hope this helps and best of luck.
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